I was sitting on the couch watching TV when Bill walked in and asked me if I wanted to see a video of our 1980 Halloween party. "NO". I didn't want to. Jason had been at that party. I couldn't watch him playing games, laughing and walking around and knowing that it wasn't real. When the tape turned off, he would still be gone. It would be like losing him again.
I edged back on the couch, "NO" I said. I put my hand in the air as if to push away something. If I had been standing I would have backed into a corner.
"Do you want to see the Christmas tape?" "NO, I can't". Tears came to my eyes and I forced myself not to break into an uncontrollable sobbing session. I can't, I can't. Bill went back to his room.
An hour later and I am still upset. I will ask my daughter-in-law and granddaughter if they want to see them.
I don't think I will ever be able to watch those videos. It has been almost 6 years and it feels like yesterday. I am forcing myself not to cry. I miss and love you Jason.
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